In recent months the US Justice Department put out a search for interpreters in the ongoing effort to keep our nation safe and cozy. The interpreted language was not Arabic, Farsi, or anything like that. It was Ebonics. Most Americans are familiar with the local pidgin "Jive". But in recent times, thanks to acronyms, and an impatience with the queens English, Jive Talk has mutated. Below are actual phrases courtesy of everyone's favorite social networking sight. These are members updates. The first thing you see upon visiting someones page. The thing they put out into the universe. Here' lets take a little safari to the world of how many young Americans communicate these days. I've even gone through the trouble of helping you decode the language.
"Fuk ALL y'all hoes aNd niggas who dat dum" *Apparently this lad is perturbed by the actions of men and women...most likely of African descent.
"youse a bIcth ass IDK" *you is a bitch ass. IDK=I don't know. Well, obviously this person is hurt--but he/she doesn't have the tools to admit that he is disappointed. So he hurls insults, and questions his mates masculinity by calling him a bitch ass...or perhaps he is speaking rather harshly to his prize pup for not making it into the Wesminster Kennel Club Show. You never know with youngsters these days.
"fav you is my bestie" *I suppose this means you are my best friend. In fact, my favorite. Touching.
"LK LIKE I NEED TO CHANGE CUP SIZES LOL" * from a 13yr old folks.
"ppl tht shyte is hilarous" *Something is funny. I wanted to share this with you all.
"yu can do IT i wouldnt even have made u my biotchhh if u wuz weak but keep ya head up n pushhhhhh him out of there!!!" *a woman encouraging child birth to her friend. Wow.
"BOI WATEVA I AINT GOTTA GO DO NUN OF DAT BYTCH....U LATE LOL" *??????????????
"Shout outs to all the hommie smashers u slores takin over wit no moralz at al sn ready to get off to work"*
This is more annoying than a cystic pimple along the bikini line. Okay I suppose the best way to interpret this is: greetings & salutations to all of you untrustworthy friends--not only are you unreliable, but I think you are whore & sluts (slores) taking over the world. You have no morals and I'm angry about it. But I have a job, alas I must take my leave.
And finally, the update status that left me with a fist full of tears:
"IM SO FUK TIRED OF NIGGAZ AND FUCK YU CUZ I GAVE YU THE BEST OH WELL BYTCH NIGGA"
Raise your glasses to Wille Lynch, because the end is nigh. This folks, is America's youth. It's hard to believe that in just a few years, these are the people that will be wiping our asses and feeding us tapioca at the nursing home. They will be the ones working at the DMV and as receptionists for fortune 100 companies. What in the name of WEB Dubois are we going to do America?
The last two "updates" were from a family member. I sat playing around on my laptop one Saturday morning and saw her updates. Usually nothing can ruffle my feathers when I'm sipping on freshly brewed free trade dark roast coffee, and organic herbal delight. My buppie bubble burst when I saw those words. Now, I've seen updates before that made me raise an eyebrow...in particular from two of my younger cousins. One is early 20s, the other is 19 was estranged from our side of the family for a while. So you figure FB is a quick and painless way to keep in touch right? Well, FB is the quickest way to witness people in pain I think. We all use it for different reasons, but using it to hurl hate into the world? Not acceptable. Especially if we are member of the same tribe.
I immediately reached out to my cousin "Jane". I wrote her a letter saying I thought that she was beautiful, I missed her, and wanted to encourage her to be a lady at all times. We all suffer heartache and have moments where we are frustrated with our race, gender etc., the deleterious effects of posting such nonsense can come back and haunt you. You can't "unpost" something once its out there. Choose your words wisely my darling girl.
That's what I wrote. But the big sister in me was ready to hop a flight to Chicago, rent a car, drive to the west side and kick her fucking heart out. Same thing happened with my other cousin "Dick". His updates were "Fags this, fuck fags, fags fags fags". I had to contact him and say "Hey, calling someone a fag isn't acceptable. If they're a fag, then so am I. Now I dare you to call me a fag." That shut him up. Because I thnk HiM new IWOULDA FUCCED hIs azz up. He promised to curb his appetite for slurs, and he did a bit. All along I suspected that this person was using those words, because they had not come to terms with their own sexuality. I'm curious to see how this plays out...
They're both too old for this kind of behavior. I've even seen mates from high school post foolishness. At some point you have to be accountable for your life. I enjoy a good laugh like the next, but my aim isn't to hurt people. So Jane & Dick grew up with dysfunctional families. Harsh circumstances from your child hood doesn't give you amnesty to behave that way. The world don't owe you shit, ya dig? Lots of people have been oppressed, but at some point you have to rise above it. I've made a point to take Jane to lunch and spend more time with her. She was receptive and appreciated my reaching out to her. She admitted she was hurt by a guy, but that she really misses having a "big sister" to talk to. So I'm going to do my very best to corrupt Jane with love. I'm looking forward to feting her with yummy food, and letting her know that its okay to be a lady. And so possums, a few jive-isms from mummy to live by.
Birds of a feather flock together, a chicken can't hang with an eagle. *Choose your friends wisely.
Honey don't mess wit em, if they don't eat a mean stew. *A feminist advocacy for oral sex.
Keep your pipe loaded. *keep your pipe loaded.
I will not be fooled by Kung Fu treachery. *from the holy book of Black Dynamite
And if you can't hang with eagles, then get yo ass out the sky.
Now this is the kind of jive talk I can dig, ya dig?
I challenge you to write a letter, and drop it into the post. Lets see if we can ween our selves off texting, cryptic emails and social networks.
ciao for now kiddies,