Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Feel Stupid For Giving John Mayer A Hand Job

Bonjour mes amis!!!

What a freaky Friday! I know its Wednsday (am I the only adult who still has trouble spelling this day of the week? And I cannot spell Janurary. Thanks Chicago Public Schools) but so many weird things are happening in the world. I've highlighted key phrases in case you don't feel  like reading my idiotic rantings and mispellings. (haha that's not a word)

1. An earthquake in Chicago!
In addition to being baptized in 40,000 feet of snow Chicagoans were awakened this early am by the earth moving. The 4.3 magnitude quake shook it all up in the wee hours of the am.

2. John Edwards is engaged to his mistress-baby mama. Eat a dick.

3. John Mayer announces that his cock is "white supremacist..." that it prefers white women.
Sometimes John you make my ass itch. In that annoying may when you poop in public and want to quickly leave the stall for fear of other poopers smelling your poop. You poop and wipe quickly. Then moments later. Your ass itches. That's you John. You too John Edwards. Nah I'm kidding. I like John Mayer and could fucking care less that he doesn't "date" or sleep with black women. He's obviously shagging the older black blues musicians to steal their work. So he does like that is.

4. Its Glenn Beck's birthday!  Good luck and try not to die asshole.

5. Sarah Palin claims that "global warming is a bunch of snake oil science."
Sometimes I think this ho suffers from Toxic Shock Syndrome.

6. President Obama meets with Black Leaders to discuss unemployement.
Bullshit. As long as there is Pre-Paid Legal and Mary Kay black folks will always be employed. Stop wasting this man's time.

7. This morning on ABC's The View Sherri Sheppard once again pissed me off by donning tacky ass blue nail polish in the presence of the iconic Tim Gunn. I think its time Wendy Williams joins the cast of The View. Can you imagine Whoopi trying to talk over that heifer?

8. Actor Lou Gosset Jr. has prostate cancer.  We love you and will hold you in prayer Mr. Gossett.

9.  Joe Walsh a Teabagging asshole from the state of Illinois has given teabagging a bad name.  Now teabagging is synonymous with "politics". It was a lovely verb before these fuckers showed up on the scene! Some of us....well nevermind. There are 4 unremarkable jack asses from IL that actually went to the convention last week. Eat a dick teabaggers. Eat a dick.

10. Guess who is the latest recipient of California Unemployment Insurance? YOURS TRULY! After weeks of trying, I finally go thru and will receive my benefits. I've worked HARD for them and now??? It's party time. I'm gonna go unemployement crazy! My list of things to do (the top 5)

1. Buy a bucket of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce.
2. Enroll in Hebrew School.
3.Buy pomegrantes. I can't even spell it, but I'm going to enjoy them!
4.Carpet Freshner
5. A Baskin and Robbins Ice Cream Cake. The commercial kills me.

Okay kiddies. Enjoy your day


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