Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Republic of the South Side. Slick's State of the Union.

Ciao citizens!

In case you missed the State of the Union by President Barak H. Obama, well here it tis:

The economy. Foreign Policy. 2 Wars. The GOP. America the beautiful. Clean energy. Pivot.
Look at my beautiful wife. Pivot.
Health Reform, thy will be done. Pivot. The bi-partisan war has got to end. Don't Ask, Don't Tell. God bless America, goodnight.

I gotta give it to him, Mr. President gave a pretty damned good speech. It was like eating a bag of sunflower seeds and getting that one good roasted seed. You know the one that makes you wanna jump up and smack the closet person to you? At points of his speech I felt that way. Not because, I agreed with him on an issue, I just like his gangsta. The way he quipped "look, if you know something better than I do...then by all means, let me know". Or "...I will veto the measure." Now this was a 70 minute speech and I cannot quote everything verbatim, but in my book this dude was on the money. Speaking of gangstas.

Bill Clinton is boss playa. Now some people called him the "first black president" but soon changed their tune when he started to really show his ass. Having an office in Harlem don't mean shit, ya dig. But goin around the world soliciting money for Haiti? Well, now...I gotta roll with Bill on this one. Its funny because the spotlight is shining so brightly on William right now, there's no room for poor Jesse Jackson. But for every good Bill, there's an evil one.

Enter Bill O'Reilly.

"And I'm going, I don't know how that's possible. If you've ever been to the South Side of Chicago, I mean, it's a disaster. Alright? It's like Haiti. it's like -- I've been to Haiti a couple times, and I support some charities there, but Haiti just never gets better no matter how much money you put in there because they don't have a system."


Bill O'Reilly. What are you smoking? The president of these United States (a Harvard Man) has a home on the South Side. The World Series Winning Chicago White Sox are on the South Side. Vera Brooks lives on the SouthSide. Lorraine Hansberry was born and raised on the South Side. Aight mothafcuka, you got me going. Here is a list of the South Side gems:

The University of Chicago. Southside.
Corryn Cummins. Actress, proud South Side Gal.
Richard Daley. Mayor, city of Chicago. Bridgeport. Southside.
Top Notch Beef Burger. Southside.
LaShaun Brooks. Upstanding Negro. Southside.
The Regal Theatre home to every chitlin circuit play. Southside.
Harold's Chicken(s). Southside.
The Museum of Science and Industry. Southside.
The Columbian Exposition World Fair of 1893 was held where? On the Southside mothafucka.
H.H. Holmes. Serial Killer. Southside (okay this one is creepy, but it's a good book. See Devil in the White City)
Mahailia Jackson, Howlin Wolf, and Nat King Cole. Where from? THAT'S RIGHT.
Rainbow Cone. Southside.
Fighting Irish. Southside.
Hundreds of Chicago Public School Children dead and alive.
DuSable Museum. Southside.
Kanye West. Like him or not, Southside.
Margaret Burroughs. Artist. Southside.
Bud Biliken Parade...on of the largest in the world. Southside.
Mr. G's Supperclub. Southside.
Washington Park, Jackson Park, Marquette---the most gorgeous parks on the planet. Southside.
South Shore, Pill Hill, Chatam, Pilsen, Hyde Park, Kenwood, Bronzeville...SOUTHSIDE.
Docta Slick, America's daughter. SOUTHSIDE.
We are white, black, latino, polish, illegal, unethical, chinese, gang banging, politickin, 5%, Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic, 7 Day, Jehovah, Baptist, shiftless, dirty, praiseworthy people. We are hard workers. We are the hog butchers and tool makers, stackers of wheat, player with railroads and the nation's freight Handler. Stormy, Husky, Brawling, City of the Big Shoulders.

So before you go comparing us to ANY thing else punk bitch Bill. Think again. The city of Port Au Prince cannot defend themselves right now. But Chicago can. And we will fuck you up. At least the Southsiders will.

If you've ever been to the southside and loathe Bill O'Reilly as much as I do...then join me in singing our anthem. It's simple to sing. Here are the lyrics:


You can sing it any which way you like. And if you wanna swap Bill's name for Glenn Beck or Pat Robertson, it's totally acceptable.

Well that's the Docta Slick State of the Union citizens. All is well on our planet.

Pray for our souls
Fight for your lives. Southside Pride