Monday, December 31, 2012

A Secular Spiritual For The Hysterical & Brokenhearted

Ciao darling,

It's winter.
The holiday season is among us.
We make a joyful noise as we chirp
Happy Hanankuh/Chanukah or however you spellit. Happy Christmas! Boxing Day! and Kwanzaa to one another.

We fight each year to remember what the "day" is all about.
Mostly because over mail boxes and in-boxes are flooded with coupons, sales & liquidation offers
And the lines ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the fucking lines******************************* are long EVERYWHERE you go..............................................................
And if you're like me, who likes the Christmas spirit, but not really into buying shit-
you often forget, that it's retails most ridiculous time of the year.
This time of the year is totally in my blindspot.
Can't tell you how many times I've dashed into Walgreens to grab my monthly supply of tampons, OK Magazine, Trident gum and Plan B Morning After Pills only to be met with yet another long---------------------------------------
Let me tell you, my Christma-Kwanzaa-ian spirit goes away quickly.

I hate this store.
Fuck, why didn't I order all this shit off Amazon?
S'not like Walgreens is a small local business.
Ugh, lame ass civilians! You know people, there's an army of people like me. And we fight to show our love and good will toward mankind ALL YEAR ROUND. Fucking gnats. You're all hovering around, annoying me crapless making us wait in this line.
Fucking up my Chrismahannuakwanza spirit.
I hate this.
The manager must be a fucking jerk. Why doesn't someone in Photo OPEN UP! It's not like any fucking body prints pictures anymore, you know? We just show pictures on our phones. Not me. I'm not gonna do that. When I have kids, I'm gonna PRINT the photo and keep it in one of those wallets so when someone says "Hey Nic, how's the kid?" I'll say "I'm glad you asked Mary, he's fucking great look at all these photos" then i'll whip out the wallet and the photos will be neatly displayed protected by a thin layer of plastic. Glorious old school photos. Damn, why don't they open up in Photo? Or Cosmetics?  
Grrr you can't find good help anymore. People usta take pride in working retail. Nowadays? I dunno, everyone is a goddamned grump and the checkout broad, she don't even say hi to ya anymore.
Tell you another thing, I hate Xmas shoppers.
Wow, when I go on laments I sometimes sound like an old white guy from the 40s.
My edges are thin. Hope that Rosemary Pink Oil Moisturizer concoction works.
Gotta get a new pipe. I keep tasting butane.
I'm bored.-------- Can't tweet or review my Shazaam song list because
My iPhone screen is cracked. ---------------------And I'm afraid of getting Hepatitis. 
Because I keep cutting my finger on the shattered glass. Because I dropped it five times.
Can't even look at the newspapers. Too much. Schoolhouse massacres, the pro group says this, the anti group says that, another subway shoving, fiscal cliffs...shid some of us have lived of fiscal cliffs our entire adulthood; Shhhit you can call me Geronimo.

I'm no clinical dietician, but I can tell you the holiday season can make us heavy.
It's annoying.
and down right depressing for some.
O don't you fret dear one, for I am not here to sully the good name of Christmas.
Like most of western society, I take part in the holiday.
Then there's Kwanzaa. The often ridiculed and trivialized holiday created by *GASP* Black Americans. Some of you mothafuckas are giggling right now. A pox upon your house. I can't tell you how many people I've wanted slap with a flat titty upside the head, for making fun of what they've never tried to understand.

Okay truth be told, I don't understand Kwanzaa either, BUT that's not the point. Listen I love, making up shit as I go. So each year I bate some dummy into a Kwanzaa argument at a holiday party, and then I make up a curse-- to piss the person off. It always works. This year I told a woman that the spirit of Nell Carter was going to trample thru her house while she slept, if she didn't shut up about her Kwanzaa-ian bewilderment. I also told her that Les Miserable would give her genital warts up her corn hole.

Follower of Christ or NOT
we take respite in this season.
For most of the western world
It is the dead of winter
The days are short.
Bone chilling cold
and Motherfucking Miserable
but then
                                                         in the middle of it, we light the dark.
Light gives us hope.
Flecks of light, in darkness can change your entire mood.

And now that the New Year is upon us, we thank the gods that we're still here.
It is a time that the light leads us to the super natural--
or the willingness to recieve amazing miracles.
Weight Loss, better time management, fiscal responsibility, sobriety etc.,

No matter how you celebrate this season, we can all find a way to encourage endurance and perseverance with or without scripture. Doesn't matter much about race, culture or creed to me at  this time of the year-- or anytime of the year. I joke around a lot about race in our society--because for me, love is the only way we gone survive.

And it's hard to love when you're heartbroken. We've lost leaders, innocent children, innocent bystanders...some lost battles after illness, took their own lives...
And when it rained, it poured. Many of us are still standing in the wake of a storm. And stand in the need of a prayer. 

My hope for 2013, is that we bristle at the seems with love.  I'm excited to see how the year unfolds.  2012 was one of the best and hardest years I've ever had.  But I couldn't have done it without your love.

And so fucker, raise your glass: WE MADE IT. AND NOW, ONWARD...CALMLY.

happy new year! I love you.

Yes, YOU.




Idia'Dega said...

It is much easier though not completely, to ignore it all by moving to predominately Muslim country as I have done and then spending the 'Holiday' Season in a Buddhist country. I know everyone cannot do this but I highly recommend it.

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