OUR EMAIL EXCHANGE:
I tried to remove my comment and found myself blocked. If you feel the need to take this drastic action, feel free. I will say this. It was an error, a mistake, and humor that went over wrong. You put yourself out there in a manner and people will get an idea of what could be perceived as funny to you. We spoke, had a dialouge, I apologized and then we move on. I will not be pounded or spoke down to or treated like I am a racist for a mistake. The issue lies with YOU if you continue to carry your anger after I apologized. I will not be petty to remove you from the model list, I am an adult and you are a member of the community, but if you are willing to re-connect down the road as mutual, adult friends I am open. If not, that is fine too.
Question: would you have said that to my face?
1. Funny thing is-- It was not my birthday. If it were, that's not the kind of greeting I would want. How would you feel if I wrote "Happy birthday honky cracker!" :))))
2. I did not call you racist, nor
Your comment racist. That's YOUR issue. Should I be grateful that you didn't call me nigger? That you changed the spelling to reflect the colloquial term? The term of endearment. I get called a nigga, and then you accuse me of treating you like a racist? Of pounding you?
3. Re-read my blog entries if you like. It is at times satirical and blue. Satire seeks to educate through humor. I do not believe you to be a racist: that's a heavy label. But How on earth you read something, and then gathered that I would think being called a NIGGA is funny, is beyond me. What did exactly did you hope to achieve? Again I ask, would you have said that to face?
4. Pounding you for a mistake? No. I had the respect to call you after you posted a juvenile and tasteless birthday wish. I wanted to hear what you had to say. You spoke your peace and wrote words for ALL eyes to see. Do what you like with this energy. If it feels like you're being pounded, you needn't look here for an offer of apology.
5. I blocked you yes, because I want nothing else to do with an online "friendship." It was reckless.
And frankly I felt: Where else can we go from that? I chose the last option of blocking because it said basically that neither of us would be able to see each others comments or posts. That felt like the best option.
6. Drastic? You assaulted me on Facebook--social media--with the intent of using it as a joke. I'm still not laughing.
7. Please don't mistake my persona as an open door for you or anyone to speak to me in such a disrespectful way. My adult friends nor associates don't trip out on me like this. How dare you use "what I put out there" as an excuse to use that vile word. I don't care if Jay Z makes millions of dollars in pop culture using that word. You have no idea who I am. I am human, flawed and thank the gods without perfection. I've spent time in your home and we have both made an effort to know each other. I was taken aback by your "joke." you and I have NEVER discussed racial prejudice or epitaphs of any kind. So imagine how I felt reading that message. You do not know me _____.
8. Modeling community? If Removing me from that list gives you conscience vindication, then that is your prerogative. That isn't leverage against my skill set--I don't mess with peoples money or gigs. I have witnessed your anger and passion in that yahoo group with certain people, but never stuck my nose where it does not belong. Let me be clear: I have not, nor will not take this to "the community" of art models. This has nothing to do with them. I have my own community, thank you.
As far as down the road, I'm no medium so I do not know what the future holds. I'm not interested in slandering your name, but best believe I will use this experience to teach others in my community.
I wish you healing, and common sense.
Here's where it gets GOOD!
Thank you for thanking time to write your thoughts out, but they come from a defensive place still unclear. No we are not friends, or community, otherwise you would have just explained "why" a Joke would've been sensitive to you, accepted my apologies, and MOVED ON. My birthday comment came after I saw a post R***l posted looking like a birthday wish, perhaps it is in error and I was working on an iPhone and THAT image came up, but I have my own life and do not scrutinize your FB, or anyone else. Reread my email. There was never intent to be petty, I don't care enough and if you are working as a model, getting work on there, or taking bookings, then yes, you have a place. Whether you choose to embrace it, stay on the list, or continue modeling, that is YOUR decision. I have been a leader in this community for 10 yrs and my list is moderated fairly and like anyone else, I speak freely, I don't react in anger when I disagree or someone has issue with me. I can take criticism and work out problems. To be honest, we are not friends nor do we know each other. I enjoyed what I knew and offered to deepen the connection. We never had time. This really is not an issue I spending any time in. It was an error, I apologized, now I am moving on.
PS. And I wish you thicker skin, understanding, and peace
And I would have LAUGHED if you wrote that birthday wish. Period.
****** BLANK STARE.
(Foolishy I engaged):
Next time you see me, be sure to say it all to my face.
And I just might laugh.
Sweetie, the punch line is I WOULD have originally said it ALL to your face.....and, yes, I do hope we would have and can laugh. Take care, Nic, really.
MY FINAL REPLY:
_____, do not contact me again.
So that brings us current in this sordid drama. What can I say? White privilege is a hell of a drug.
Well baby doll, I'm gonna go and take a walk. I'd better grab my flask and a bullet proof vest. As a Black woman, I must DRASTIC actions when I want to go about my day. And to think, after all that: It ain't even my birthday.