If You Can't Fuck The Monkey? Then Make Friends With the Organ Grinder: 2012 & Other Victories For Us All

Ciao fuckers!!!!

Oh my word, how are mum's little possums? I miss you all like I miss my virginity! I miss you like I miss McDonaldland cookies. I miss you like the Magikist sign off of the Chicago expressways. I miss you like hookers miss turning tricks in Times Square.  Like an Englishman misses colonizing every dark nation. I know you have all been wondering "Where the fuck is that rancid slag? I need my dosage of Tom Dickery. I need to look at her ridiculous life so that I can feel better about mine." Well don't you worry baby. Just because it's a New Year doesn't mean I'm not the same dysfunctional, skirt chasing, dick joke making, bigoted, profligate--hell bent on making you laugh. So pour yourself a stiff one, and before you take the first sip---pour libation. Libations for the brothers that ain't here. Libation to honor your deity. Give over to this ceremony, and give thanks for life.

So it's a New Year! And many of you have avowed NOT to do that same old shit. You are ready to shed your old habits, so you make a list: You won't drive and text. Do more kegels.You won't check your Facebook account more than 5 times a day. You won't use so many contractions when you speak. You *will not* let him stick the tip in. You will no longer hoard food like a fat fucker in Anne Franks attic. You will not baptize people with racial epitaphs anymore...okay, just not as much while driving. You will not send cyanide to Newt, Mitt, Ron, and Mickey Bachmann anymore. Downloading porn has slowed down your laptop, so no more of that. You will speak your mind, and stop swallowing your feelings. You will run an extra mile. No more biscuits slathered with margarine and high fructose jelly from Popeyes. Add on 20 more sit ups. Enlist in Bikram Yoga.  Stop eating so many fried foods. No more gossip & meddling. Smile at your neighbor even though you hate the smell of curried foods and cannot understand his/her culture. You don't understand WHY some Black people speak SO loudly into their cellphones when they're riding public transportation, but you will not give them dirty looks. Hold the elevator for that co-worker who seems to have a stank attitude every morning; knowing that it is not personal.  You will smile at her, with hopes of infecting her with an inkling of happiness. All the markings of a New Year.

Just know, that you will FAIL at every single resolution that you make. Kidding. You're gonna be fine baby. I had plenty of moments in 2011, that I'm not too proud of. I wish that I could gather up all that awful shit, throw it on to my back seat...drive to the forest...and drop those problems like an unwanted pet--and drive off. 

But life doesn't work that way.

I don't believe in resolutions myself, but I do believe in change...in evolution, atonement and forgiveness. Okay, that's a lie. I still hate my ex from waaay back. Voldemort, the talentless bait of falsehood who slithered amongst the lowest of men. Voldemort who had me shortsighted and debilitated. An infested bag of dicks, that one.  I'd empty a hornets nest into his under roos if possible! I--**Remembers the words of Tony Robbins. Does a yoga pose, and lights a bowl.

Exhale...

So I'm not perfect that this game of life yet.  But I'll be damned, if I spend yet another cycle terrified of everything. Terrified of failure. Poverty. Being miserly about my imagination.  I'm bored with that bullshit.  I've done it. And done it quite well. It's time for a change.

Something is a bit different this year for me.  And I'm not referring to the mis-interpreted Eurocentric view of the Mayan calendar. THE WORLD IS NOT GOING TO END. Yes, I know we've damned the planet to hell with global warming, but we cannot subscribe to doom & gloom theories. I do believe it's a year where we will all experience a great change. A shift in the consciousness. A time of abundance, great fortune and power. It's the Year of the Dragon. In Chinese astrology/culture--it is my birth year.  Some of you who don't know me well may think that the only part of Chinese culture that I celebrate is the fact that my hair is imported from there. Well, aside from P.F. Changs and wavy hair #4, there is a lot to be said about this mythic creature who rules me. This divine beast, in Western culture has always been feared--hunted, and slayed. But for those of us who know better, the Dragon is a free spirit that must be uninhibited.  The creature is colorful and flamboyant and utterly irrepressible. A bundle of energy.

You don't have to be born in the Year of the Dragon to have Dragon like characteristics: innovation, passion, and enterprise to name a few.  We can't all be Dragons...but wouldn't it be nice, if we all marched towards innovation?  If we could all trust that we have the courage for unyielding greatness? Bruce Lee didn't wow the world, because he was a good looking Yellow man with high kicks. Sifu Bruce Lee was iconic, because he was an artist and philospher who shared his brilliance with the world. As a young Black girl growing up on the Southside he let me know that I could do whatever I set my mind to. Yeah, I know this all sounds like a bunch of Hong Kong phooey...but I learned a lot about myself in 2011, especially being in China.  I learned how to re-direct my enthusiasm and hold fast to my creativity.  It did not come effortlessly--I spent many a day doubled over in pain...and bless god, I always had someone to hold me up when I felt like I could not go on.

I am in a good place, right now.  The ending of 2011 into 2012 has been jaw dropping. I was fortunate to present a production Mr. Rickey Calls A Meeting that I am very proud of at my artistic home Lookingglass Theatre. I met some of my childhood baseball heroes, Minnie Minoso & Johnny "Lefty" Washington. I spent time with friends and family. I've taken baby steps to get my finances in order. I've been showered with love by splendid people. I still have much cleaning to do in my "house"...which is what one does in the Chinese new year. You clean house, forgive trespasses, and light firecrackers to scare away bad spirits.

So mummy's little possum--I do hope that you will forgive me for any slights toward you.  I hope that you will accept that dragon in you, and work consistently to achieve your goals. And who cares if you weren't born in the Year of the Dragon. Like I said, if you can't fuck the monkey--then make friends with the organ grinder. Find a way to be Dragon-like, and release the bad spirits. And if you can't get with all this Eastern philosophy--then maybe the words of Mr. Belvedere will help:

Streaks on the china,
never mattered before,
who cares.

When you dropped kicked your jacket
As you came through the door,
No one glared.

But sometimes things get turned around
And no one’s spared.

All hands look out below T
here’s a change in the status quo.
Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival
Life is more than mere survival
We just might live the good life yet.

No body loves you like I do.

ciao for now,
x