In the midst of poverty, sweltering heat, Johnny Boheners punk cry baby ass and Hollywood trying to force yet another underwhelming sweet fuck flick Friends With Benefits up our urethra's, it's easy to get annoyed at the world. Easy to turn away from the news and watch back to back episodes of the Food Network's Diners, Drive Ins & Dives and pray for the Measles...just so that you don't have to deal with another human being. Lord knows I've got albatross swirling over my head today, but as I type this post and sip on rancid two buck Chuck my heart aches for the victims of the vicious attacks in Oslo, Norway. Terrorism, like drought & famine can strike just about any time and any place. Drought happens around the world, but the famine may seem like a foreign idea for those of us in the US. Okay, there may not be a famine here, but the locusts have eaten the crop for so many families. So take a moment and say a prayer for our friends in Norway. Say a prayer for our friends in Somalia. And say a prayer for children dodging bullets on their summer vacations.
It's a shame that super heroes don't exist, because we need to stop the evil bullshit. No one can fly through the air in a cape and tights (especially in this heat...wearing tights will only land you a yeast infection) however we can do our part. Listen, snitching works. Especially if it saves a kid who just wants to play hopscotch and not get sprayed with bullets. So when you see the neighborhood rats, hanging on the corner up to no good. Call the cops. If you live in the inner city, call the law. Put on your best British accent and say to the 911 operator "Surry, Ah've just moved here...and well...is it leeegal to burn bunny rabbits? Yes, white bunny rabbits. Quite strange idn't? There's a group of lads on the corner and they're roasting small animals--and I don't think it's Epicurean. It seems, I dunno a bit harsh. Again, I don't know the American laws just yet my dear. Just thought I'd inquire. Perhaps you could send a bobbie? Oh dear...now they're burning a Walter Payton jersey...and they're playing some song by X-Clan called Fuck The Po-lice. Oh my..."
The cops will come immediately and arrest Hamburglar and his trouble making friends, and then the kids can run out and play! And then my friend you are living in Yaytown.
Alright, so life doesn't work that way, but you get the message. All jokes aside, I am sincerely saddened by today's events and just wanted to take a moment an acknowledge that life is truly precious. It's difficult and unfair. So while we're 6 feet above ground, lets do what we can to make it count.
I may not be able to pay my bills at the moment, but I can pay tribute at the altar. I am grateful for life. I hope you are too.
Nobody loves you like I do possum.
Oh and don't forget to wash your hands after you rub one off.
ciao for now,