Thursday, March 10, 2011

Black People, Yet Again Will Save Tiger Sheen & LiLo

Ciao fuckers,

I can't help but to get in on the action.  Charlie Sheen is a man suffering from mental instability and signs of addiction.  That don't mean I won't make fun of the mothafucka though.  Everyone is buggin out cuz Charlie can't seem to tell cat shit from apple butter these days--but trust me, in the end he will find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

CBS dumped Charlie like a bloody tampon into the commode.  But never worry about television "royalty", because the folks at A&E will take him--I'm telling you, if you put that dude on Beyond Scared Straight he'll be back on track.  Or just send him back to a segregated penal colony and he'll be just fine. #blackswillsavehimagain

And as for our dear friend Lindsay Lohan--I was a wee bit nervous for her this morning as she approached the court room.  I wasn't nervous because I thought the judge would throw the book at her and she'd be sentenced to jail--I was nervous that she'd catch a severe case of a yeast infection with that fucking dress she wore.  LiLo donned a skin tight beige latex/pleather/lambskin dress, that was clingy and showed off her suffer board tits. The dress didn't allow any room to breath for her poor body, and I was terrified that she would start to itch then scratch uncontrollably looking like a hype--wiggling in her chair, frowning--then the judge would've been like "Wait a minute, is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?"  

Luckily, the Summer's Eve worked, and my girl remained poised and elegant.
The judge basically told her to keep her soup cooling lips shut until their next court appearance, and to get the fuck out of his sight. Her lawyer looked about as relieved as Black woman do when they get the burning relaxer rinsed out of her hair.  Mme. Lawyer Noir smiled and quickly escorted LiLo out of the court room, whisked past the paparazzo, and is hopefully sipping on a Luster's Pink Lotion martini as I type.

I'm fighting for you to win this case, not because I care about you sticky finger ass, but because I'm ready for another super black lawyer to rise to the ranks, and be mentioned in the same breath as Johnny Cochran and Star Jones.  LiLo, if you fuck this up for Mme. Lawyer Noir I will put those extensions out of your pretty little head. I want to see this negress grace the covers of XXL, Essence, Ms. and all the blacklicious blogs.  So don't fuck this up LiLo.  If you do, may the weave gods damn your locs with lice infested hair that mattes every time you think about fucking up. #blackswillsaveher

Alright kids--that's enough of my lame rantings on topics that are getting too much attention.  Wisconsin is blowing the fuck up as we speak--but trust me when I say Midwesterner's won't take long to over throw the GOP. They gone blow the shit apart like Haymarket--trust me. 

I poke at celebrities, because I'm bored and can talk big shit behind my laptop. Big whoop, wanna fight about? In the end, we'll all be okay. Even Tiger & LiLo. So keep your eyes on the prize kids. And as always, keep your pipe loaded and don't shine nobody's wooden nickels.



No comments: