Monday, October 19, 2009

..."grasp the reigns of power and do so without delay..."

Bon soir mes amis!

So this photo was taken days after I graduated NIU. I'm in Paris, and felt like I could rule the world. I had no fear, inhibitions. I was a dopey kid with a bright future. Dammit I miss her.

Every actor wonders when they will get their big break. I'm one of those people. Earlier this evening whilst enjoying an episode of Barry Levinson's "Homicide" all I could think was "Fuck! I wanna be on a show like that." Watching Melissa Leo, Ned Beatty, Andre Braugher, and Yaphet Kotto just makes me wanna scream. This fine ensemble of masters on the screen, re-ignited my love for acting all over again.

It also re-ignited my fears. I suppose my big break came when I left my job about a month ago. In August I was working at a luxury boutique, a miserable sonabitch who hated everything. I was drinking 2-3 glasses of wine per night, and losing my hair every a.m. as I commuted from Hollywood to Venice. Now, I'm in cold unglamorous weather, enjoying ideal employment. Fedra my baby, is a blast. I mean we're having a wonderfilled time. But the business side of me is starting to fret.

I keep thinking "What if it doesn't make a good box office return?" "What if this doesn't bring me more work?" "Will I write again?" "Will I act again?"

I love the comfort of a paycheck. Even a measly paycheck that I get for my actors salary. I enjoy working with a cast and crew of folks who respect me, and me them. I'm not just some pretty shop girl, secretly drinking herself into misery.

I don't have much time to get producers in to see this show. I learned alot from producing Black Diamond, yet I still have light years to go. How the hell am I going to get people to come see this play? I want for it to get produced for the NY stage. There I said it.

I've got to strike while the irons are hot. In the words of Theramenes to the reluctant ruler Hippolytus "Fedra wants the crown. Grasp the reigns of power, and do so without delay."

I've got to shine my balls, because if I don't, I'll never get to Ned Beatty, Melissa Leo, or my heroine Liz ah Tina Fey.

Gotta pull a rabbit out the hat. I could use your prayers friend.

ciao for now kiddies for tickets for storm coverage

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