Your rollicking wet nurse has returned from Satans nutsack, with news to share. So grab your pot, grab your vodka, grab some passerby's ass. Because its time to celebrate.
What are we celebrating you might be wondering my little possum? Well in about 8 hours your old Mum will be Shitty Sharp. Dressed to the 9s. Cleaner than the Board of Health. My hooker high heels will make every pole dancer in America wish they were "walking in my shoes". My baby hair will be slicked down, weave tightened, press on nails adhered, and Jean Nate splashed twixt my boobs-- because I will be walking tall towards the Beacon Theatre. On Broadway Ave. In New York City. Why? Because this little girl from 55th & State Street who defied naysayers growing up in the hood will be attending the 2011 American Theatre Wing TONY AWARDS. The motherfuckin TONYS.
*The crowd goes nuts. Slick dances wildly like she just found out from Maury she is NOT the father.
This is moment. The moment I've been waiting for. Well it's not THE moment, but it's pretty fucking far up on the "moment" spectrum of awesome things to happen. The whole goddamned reason that I've had to do everything from selling CDs for bus fare, to unsuccessfully trying to dupe bill collectors into phone sex when they call. What? Don't tell me I'm not the only person that purrs at bit when the student loan people hound you. Really? You've never said "I can't pay that balance right now dear sir/madame...but--sorry, can you say that again? I didn't hear you. Yeah, I nearly dropped the phone. Because I'm in the bath tub. A tin bathtub with Mr. Bubbles. It's bubblebath...Yeah in the pink bottle. With the little smiling bubble dude. I know it's filled with unnatural ingredients. Don't say that! I'm not gonna get a yeast infection, I've got yogurt--well what are you worried about it for? So, like I was saying beefy hunk man...what? No there isn't a duck in the water with me. What noise? Oohhhaaa Wait--God, you heard that fart I just let out? Yeah...it did kinda sound like a duck right? Hahaha. I didn't think you could hear it so I just let it out. So anyway stud--are you going to wave that late fee? NO? What the motherfuck I just gave you phone sex! Well I could have been a lot more inappropriate if you had...well you're the asshats that gave me a loan to study theatre! That's not my fault. In fact isn't that entrapment? Giving people money to study theatre, and expecting them to pay it back? It's like when you're a hooker, the John has to tell you he's a cop. Don't you know the law? Well how many people in default can recite Spoon River Anthologies to you over the phone? Well if you studied theatre asshole, you'd know really cool literature like that. Your institution is racist! Yes. So you should be paying me Mr. JP Morgan. Wipe off my debt, and I'll consider it reparations. This is bullshit. It's unAmerican and it's double indemnity! I don't know what that means, I just felt like saying it! I like using big words when I'm mad. So put your supervisor on the phone! Resurrect JP! I'm not paying back that dead white man for my education! And I'm never buying cotton again! It should be free. Now I'll have no more of this hornswoggle! Yes...I'll hold."
I've had some great achievments in my career, and I'm still very young in it. Adding a Tony to the resume puts you in a good mood, let me tell you. Who gives a fuck about debt? I don't. Not today.
I'm so grateful for this moment. I am apart of a wonderful artistic collective and tonight we will be awarded this statue. The profundity is kind of hard to articulate. I'm humbled by this moment...but the journey is far from over. I still have to till the soil and remain obedient to the spirits that guide me. My life was altered the moment I met and fell in love with the good people of the Lookingglass Theatre of Chicago. And like Alice, I was curious and fell down the rabbit hole. And thank God I did.
Congratulations to every theatre practitioner that built Lookingglass and every soldier in Chicago Theatre. I salute you the patron, donor, volunteer, board member. I love you every associate, Ensemble Member, Youth Ensemble, Artistic Associate, Affiliate and crew member. Kick ass House Management. Box Office. The office and staff who work and fight tooth and nail for us every day. I thank my family and friends for the abundance of love and support. Slipping five dollars in my pocket when I wasn't looking. Braving the elements to see some weird play. Posting messages of support via text, Facebook, Twitter and sometimes a good old fashioned post card. I thank my teachers and professors. I was quite lucky to receive education in both high school and college that was arts centered. And one day, I hope to help others pursue their dreams as well.
Wow. I'm going to the Tonys. *Correction. We're all going to the Tony's.
ciao for now,
NEXT BLOG: Love is a verb. Do it all the time.
Follow my adventures tonight on Twitter! @DoctaSlick