Thursday, March 24, 2011

Slick's Picuyane Tribune Times. Weather, Sports, Religion, Science, Fashion & Tom Foolery. News That You Love.

Helllllllllloooooo mummy's possums! Load up your pipes, and unzip your pants. Time for the news.

Burma, They Use To Call It
Myanmar--our friends in the tightly controlled country had seismic activity today with a powerful 6.8 magnitude earthquake. Hopefully the shaking will loosen the grip on those who have perpetuated years of repressive and abusive human rights violations. Le sigh.

El DeBarge--excuse me Mommar Gadaffi (I swear El is one of his sons) is still over there tossing civilians into the the fiery pit.  NATO forces are to assume command, and rebel forces aren't giving up.  It's a fucking mess over there. Oh children...I do hope there is Balm in Gilead for you.

Ivory Coast
As long Laurent Gbagbo is in office, Cote D'Ivorie is a fucking minefield. Many world leaders--well a few of us anyway wonder why all of the attention is going to Libya? Don't get me wrong, help is needed there...but the fighting in Ivory Coast ain't some soccer riot. As Prime Minister of Zumunda, I hate to see any Africans suffer. Approximately 462 people have been killed and 500,000 have been forced from their homes since the violence uprisings in the West African nation.  ECOWAS is pleading for more help from the UN. 9,000  Blue Helmets couldn't stop 52 people from people killed this week alone. The civil war is real, and cannot be ignored.  So watch Al Jeezera, BBC and other outlets to keep in the know. Do NOT rely strictly on American media sources, because you see--ain't nobody really talking about Cote D'Ivorie.  And for those of you motherfuckers that don't know shit about geo politics, don't be scurred. Mummy will school you---> UN=United Nations ECOWAS=Economic Community of West African States.  So next time you at a bar, and you wanna get laid. Talk about world peace and drop words like "sanctions" and "NATO" and "ECOWAS".  The chick will think you're so fucking smart and she'll let you stick the tip in. Promise.

Wanna know what comes out of Glenn Beck's tally wacker when he ejaculates? This piece of work.
Ladies and Puffie.

Former SNL alum Victoria Jackson a fundamentalist for Jesus Christo says Fox's hit show Glee is turning boys towards gaydom.  Now, let me be fair--she is NOT a homophobe--she has gay friends.  She doesn't think being gay is wrong--it just ain't right. She doesn't hate gay people, she says. Well, I guess this can be true. I have plenty of white friends, and I make fun of them.  But I don't go burning Barry Manilow records or smashing Mayo jars, because that is considered slander towards white people.

Puffie says she believes that Glee is sort of ramming the "gay thing" up our asses (pun intended) and that "secular humanism rules the airwaves." So in short--Glee is turning boys gay. No sweetie. Thanks to your shrill annoying ass voice in the 90s, you turned scores of boys away from girls--long before Glee.  This isn't the first time Puffie's discordant right winged ass has said something to make you go "Wait--what?" In addition to calling President Obama "a communist" and and rambling about all kinds of White Wing shit, my girl is a ukulele player and a poet! 
                                             Walking my fluffy little dogs up the canyon
                                           "Wondering "Why Can't We All Just Get Along?!
I'm suddenly stopped            By a brave and menacing coyote
He wants to eat my dogs
I raise my arms to flap him away
He looks me in the eye
I flap again and scream   He slowly and reluctantly saunters away
He looks back one last time
The devil in his eye
And there is the answer to my question. 

by:  Victoria Jackson

Oh Puffie. Kill yourself.

Playwright and cultural monster Lanford Wilson has died.  He was 73 years old.  The Pulitzer Prize winning playwright was author to scores of brilliant works including Burn This, and The Hot L Baltimore. Theatre practitioners of all sorts are indebted to his work. We dim the lights for you today brother.

Dame Elizabeth Taylor was laid to rest today.  The screen legend passed of congenital heart failure yesterday at the age of 79.  One things for certain, she was not only a beauty and legendary film actress--she had a huge heart and was a brave warrior going to battle against HIV/AIDS.  Liz, I hope you'll be reunited with your pals Monty, Rock, Paul Newman and Dick Burton.  The struggle is over dear girl, and we bow deeply to you.

States Of Our Union

Fires in near Denver--some 8,5000 homes were evacuated.  It appears to be a wildfire, and investigators are not quite sure how it began.  Hope it isn't because of some careless asshole who didn't pay attention to Smokey Bear as a child.

A herd of deer was struck by lighting Tuesday night in southern Wisconsin. I was deeply bothered by this, because I love Bambi's--they're so peaceful and majestic.  They lick rocks, and occasionally jump into traffic--but for the most part they're wonderful.  I just wish the herd of animals that had been struck by lighting are those fucktards from the evil Westboro Baptist Church. 
I wish a mothafucka would protest my loved one's funeral.  I'd act every last bit of my zip code on their asses.

Alright kids, that's the news for today.  Pray for Japan. Pray for Haiti.  Keep your eyes on the prize and remember what others think of you is NOT your business.

Nobody loves you like mum.


NEXT BLOG: Has Chris Brown morphed into Beau Willie Brown? Hear the Colored Girl report from Robin Roberts.

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