Friday, August 13, 2010

Slick's Picuyane Tribune Times. Weather, Sports, Religion, Science, Fashion & Tom Foolery. News That You Love.

This Weeks Willie Lynch Letter Award in Racism goes to Dr. Laura!!! Yay!
Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO and listen to a black comic, and all you hear is n****, n*****, n*****. I don't get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it's a horrible thing. But when black people say it, it's affectionate. It's very confusing-Dr. Laura Schlessinger

You know what I find confusing Laura? Old white bitches who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars to hash out quack advice. Read on, there's more...
CALLER: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?
DR. LAURA: It depends how it's said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it's ok.CALLER: But you're not black, they're not black, my husband is white.
DR. LAURA: Oh, I see, so a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can't do much about that.
CALLER: I can't believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the n***** word, and I hope everybody heard it.
DR. LAURA: I didn't spew out the n***** word!
CALLER: You said "n*****, n*****, n*****" and I hope everybody heard it.
DR. LAURA: Yes they did, and I'll say it again: n*****, n*****, n***** is what you hear on HBO.
DR. LAURA: Why don't you let me finish a sentence? Don't take things out of context. Don't NAACP me, leave them in context.
"If you're that hypersensitive about color and don't have a sense of humor, don't marry outside of your race," Schlessinger said after hanging up with the caller.

Well bitch, you better be glad that you did not make things complicated for me and Joseph Gordon Levitt. Because if anybody comes between me and his Third Rock From The Sun residuals or his Inception $$$, I will turn into a crazed hot comb wielding n-word hell bent on slashing old white racist hosebags in the name of interracial harmony. You'd better be glad I'm the most lovable bigot on the planet, you rancid geriatric douche nozzle. Eat a old dick old bitch, and try not to die.

Oh hello possum! So sorry about that sordid introduction. Mummy gets a little cranky about humans.  I know some of you are thinking "Dr Laura made a mistake. A lapse in judgment." But remember darling, it is not okay to be human. Those of us from Jupiter are perfect beings. See if that sister had called up the Dr. Slick Show, I would've told her to slip some arsenic & strychnine in the mayonaise (because all racist white men eat mayo) and when them sons of bitches came back around using the nword in her presence, to flash her juciest picanniny smile, head to the kitchen like good house help, politely shalack them ham sandwiches on white bread topped with a pimento olive with the mayo, smile and serve them mothafucks. And your husband needs to nut up!  A real man wouldn't stand for that jive, ya dig? Just because somebody mounted yo mammy, peed in her and she gives birth to some trout mouth nword droppin heathen, don't mean they should be welcome in your house.  And so black caller, don't look to white doctors or the NAACP for help.  Throw some hot grease on those racist fuckers, sit back like the Pine Sol lady, pour yourself a Lusters Pink Oil martini and whisper "that's the power of black excellence."
In the Funny Pages
Well apparently Fantasia Barrino suffered an overdose.  A potentially fatal mixture of aspirin and sleeping pills.  Well, I do that everynight. That's not a suicide attempt! Y'all leave that girl alone.  If she really wanted to off herself she woulda eaten a teaspoon of Pro Style Gel. Or left the lye relaxer in her hair. She's gone make a big comeback, trust me. I'm not here to knock you sis. So chin up darling! But when you return, please hire another stylist. And think twice about which lip gloss you put on them soup coolers.

Politics-Still Waters Run Deep
Looks like the dung is fina be slung.  The match between the Democrats and the Republicans just got interesting. Pelosi is draining the swamp and lets see how deep the Waters are. Ethics charges against Maxine Waters (D. California) and Charles Rangel (D. New York) will prove to be interesting in the upcoming months. The two are not connected in any of their charges, but they're both black so I'm lumping them in the the guilty category. Ha. I don't know who's guilty or not.  But I'll say this much, Maxine is tres gangsta darling, and she has already snatched off her earrings, pulled her hair back into a pony tail and smeared the Vaseline all over her face. Yes, go get em girl!

Still no cure for AIDS. bummer.

Makeup & Beauty Care
Ladies need a good makeover? Don't just stop at limp hair and cankles, go for the cooter! Yes, there's a new product that aesthetically colors the labium majora. Yes you read correctly, makeup for the vagina. A product called My Pink Button comes in a range of shades from rosy pink to warm Autumn like colors to jazz up your baby maker.  This cosmetic re-colarant lasts from 2-3 days.  So if you're unhappy with your untanned cooter, spice up the sex life with a vagtastic voyage!!

Okay so you know what I think.  This fucking product is a joke and will probably lead to some awful yeast infection where you sprout mushrooms. Listen girls and boys who became girls, ain't nothing wrong with the way you vagina looks. You DO NOT need makeup for your labia.  Don't believe me? Fine do a double blind test, hand a fork to a willing party and see if he (or she) wants to eat it.  And compare who enjoyed eating it with or without the makeup. Either way, make em eat

See what a great fucking doctor I am?



next blog:  Snooki makes $30,000 per episode for Jersey Shore. Shots fired.

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