I miss you like I miss my virginity! Sorry mummy's been away from the blogesphere, but never to worry! Your rollicking wet nurse has returned to feed the masses.
Letter From the Editor
In the past week there has been so much diabolical bullshit in the news, I had to step away and drink myself into a stupor. How is that any different from any other day, you might ask? Well I don't know actually, but just pretend I said some profound shit, okay?
Some days I can walk on the quicksand in my hooker high stilettos and hold my head high. And other days I'm sinking fast and like the warrior Atreyu in The Never Ending Story, praying that my flying dog Falkor will swoop down and save me from a tragic ending. Alas, I am still standing and observing.
"You've been hood winked! bamboozled! led astray! run a muck!...you been had!"--
Well it looks like the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People was sniggered---oops I mean snookered into believing Shirley Sherrod stood on Mount Blackywood and declared death on all honkey farmers.
"From this day on, I will kill any white farmer that grows brussel sprouts, parsnips or snails! I know you can't grow snails, but it's shit that white people eat! Whatever white people eat is outlawed so says the USDA! Reparations for Black Americans!" -Shirley Sherrod.
Is this Swahili to you darling? Did you see this story on the twitter feed and ignore it? Its okay, mummy will help you.
Shirley Sherrod was a HNIC with the USDA. I'm sure she drove a nice car, and shopped at the local farmers market. Lo and behold, this sister was forced to resign as a USDA official in Georgia earlier this week after a conservative blogger posted an edited video of her recalling at an NAACP meeting her reluctance 24 years ago to help a poor white farmer seeking government assistance. She later said that the video posting took out of context what had been a talk advocating racial reconciliation.
Fox news jumped all over the story yelling "foul! See! Look everyone, she's a racist! A black racist! Fie upon her!"
The NAACP rebuked her like Lucifer bringing potato salad to the church picnic.
And to top it all off, the Obama Administration made the woman "resign" (from her Blackberry) without even knowing what the fuck happened.
In the words of Rick James "They shouldn'ta never gave you n-words money!"
Conveniently this edited story did not tell the full tale. Since this implosion, it has been revealed that Ms. Sherrod does not wish the plague on American ofay's, but that her pain and anguish over the brutal murder of her father, has given over to hope. HOPE. Remember that word? That word that got most you Yankees off your asses and into the polling places. That word that made most of us stifle our prejudice? our fear? our apathy? And now, hope is a dirty four letter word.
Tsk tsk tsk.
Days before this story dug into our asses, and streaked our underwear, the NAACP fired a missile at the so called Tea Bagging Party alleging racism. Well, even though these chicken shit morons have given the act of tea bagging a bad name (wink) I have to agree with the NAACP that most of these anarchists should be rounded up in the town square and be forced to watch School House Rock. They seem to have forgotten how our young nation works. But seriously spitting on your peers is fucking gross and reeks of Jim Crow bullshit. Like Sarah Palin, I refudiate such racist behavior.
But the Tea Bagger v NAACP sparring is more colorful than you think. Check out the fly in the buttermilk:
Cedra Crenshaw. A darling of the Douce Bag--Tea Bag Party. Yes. The Black Chick.
Fuck yo couch.
Hooray for Hollyweird!
In the world of entertainment it has been announced that Mel Gibson will direct a bio pic on the life of Martin Luther King. Hahaha I'm just fucking with you. Mel Gibson, eat a dick.
Lindsay Lohan will serve time in the clink for drinking and druggin, and will be most likely fisted by some big girl named Tina. Good luck LiLo.
Also in the world of film, a sequel to the smash hit Inception has been announced! Leonardo DiCarprio will NOT appear in the movie. The sequel will be written by ebony scribe J. Nicole Brooks. The flick will star J. Nicole Brooks and Joseph Gordon Levitt. It will be called Conception. Yes, and there will be a floating elevator scene. And we're gonna do it.
He so gatdamn fine.
Okay so the film has not received financing, nor has a script been written...not to mention the restraining order placed against me---but come on! Joseph Gordon Levitt is the sexiest white man to grace the screen since Steve McQueen. A shining example of what white men should aim to be. Mr. Levitt, if you are reading this. You may colonize me any day of the week. Bantu all over me. #thatisall
GOLF-Rachel Ucitel, one of Tiger Woo's mistresses will enter Celebrity Rehab. Ugh, get off my lawn.
BIKES- Lance Armstrong did not win the Tour de France. Oh well.
NFL-Miami Dolphin's defensive end Phillip Merlin has been charged with beating his pregnant girlfriend. 6'5" 305lbs. He could face 15 years in jail. Lets hope he gets the fist treatment too.
Hot as hell.
The homicide rate grows like cancer and yet another Law Enforcement Officer has been killed in the line of duty. That brings the number to something like 4 killed this year. Awful.
Warning: These cops are gone fuck y'all up.
Stop the violence. Please.
Mummy was a bit blunt today, so hopefully you can take the bitter with the sweet.
Some days I feel like Puck...causing trouble and fuckery...so
If we shadows have offended
think but this and all is mended
that you have but slumbere'd here
while these visions did appear.
And by visions I mean the Jameson Whiskey induced visions.
FALCOR! Come get me and Gordon Joseph Levitt from this silly serious world! We have mulatto babies to go make.
NEXT BLOG: Rod Blagojevich's new toupee line. Exclusive at K-Mart.