Well hello fucka!
I hope you have your party hat on and your glasses filled, because it's time to toast the worlds most fascinating Negress: ME. (I myself am drinking a bottle of Clos du Bois Cabernet---and when I say I'm drinking a bottle, I mean it. No glass---straight from the bottle.) So pour some out for the homies and then raise your glasses to the first negro woman to pilot an aircraft, first negro woman to bed Abe Lincoln and gaining the freedom of enslaved blacks in America, the first negro woman to introduce mild sauce to French culinary, the first negro woman to teach "The Perculator" to Polish children, and the first negro woman to defeat a Nazi during a match of Curling. Give it up for J. Nicole "D CUP" BROOKS!
SOUND CUE: The Final Countdown "dah dah dahh dennnn...dah dahh dahhh...dennnnn...."
by the time I get to the end of this blog, I will no doubt be off my square. This wine is working.
May 10, 2004 I boarded an early am flight from Chicago Midway Airport carrying two bags and a whole lotta hope, thus beginning my journey to Los Angeles. I was in a the midst of a very successful stage career as an actress and also filmed 2 movies in one year. At the time, my life couldn't have been better. I had met two people that will forever have influence on me--both professionally and personally. Rusty and David Schwimmer (yes they're both funny Jews, but no relation) urged me to move to Los Angeles. I refused. I was an "actor" of the "STAGE" and I wasn't "SKINNY" blah blah fucking blah.
I worked on a production of Studs Terkel's Race: How Blacks & Whites Think and Feel About the American Obsession directed by David L. Schwimmer and produced by Lookingglass Theatre in 2003 where I met Rusty. I'd met Schwim, the year before and though I was not a fan of Friends (til this day I've not watched a full episode), I respected his work deeply as an artist. Rusty and I had love at first sight. I walked into the rehearsal room and immediately got wood for her. She was a thick, ginger with a bright smile. I'm not a gay, but I can't resist a good looking woman. I always like to keep good lookin hoes in my stable.
Sorry it's the wine.
Wait--oh yes, so the play. We did it. It was awesome and grueling. Met some of the best friends and superb artists of my life. Corryn Cummins, Anthony Fleming, Tony Fitzpatrick, Cheryl Lynn Bruce, Reginald Nelson to name a few. We had to delve into the world of race and racism. Growing up in hyper segregated Chicago, it was exactly my speed. I didn't think twice about exercising my demons. Yelling "Honkey! Cracker and Ofay" to the top of my lungs in a 200 seat theatre on Michigan Ave, had always been a childhood dream of mine. A dream deferred...
This wine is so awesome. See even though I be getting mad at them, I really do love white people---for stomping on and fermenting grapes...then selling them at Trader Joes. For low low prices! :0)
Back to the Jews. They kept telling me to move to LA. I didn't have much to lose by moving. Sure I was going to miss my family, friends and colleagues---but I decided to give in and move on. I figured if the Jews had wandered endlessly in the desert in search of milk and honey...they must know something. Rusty graciously offered me her home and for the first 3 months of my time here, I lived in a cute Mar Vista bungalow. Where the fresh fruit, wine, sunshine and pot was endless.
Chicago. What? Please. I be wanting to slap mothafckas when they say "LA is so evil and fake" and I'm like "yah bitch, but its 80 degrees and I just had coffee with Marcia Wallace in the SAG lobby. FACE."
Now it wasn't glamorous all the time--it still isn't. Everyday is a roller coaster. For every victory that I may have, there's polarity . Eating shee shee poo poo food at Joan's on 3rd? Well, there's a homeless person that's hungry. Everytime my cute (no transmission having car) starts up and gets me from A to Z, there is a person waiting anxiously for a bus. Score a Gucci belt at Loehmans? Some 13 year old girl has been wearing the same clothes for 5 days in a row.
LA is not an evil town like most people think. In the time that I've been hungry or needed a ride or a hug, virtual strangers have stepped up to help me. Polarity: I almost killed a bitch tonight in West Hollywood for "saving" a parking spot for her boyfriend. Ugh---I almost stomped blondie and her Yorkie mutt dog. Bitch ass musta thought this was Kansas. I'm from the South Side foo!
I have scores of brilliant friends that are waiting by the phone. Living hand to mouth. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Selling eggs to pay for headshots...you may think LA is evil, fake and phony--and that's fine. But the next time you lament on this city, slip in a prayer for your old pal Slick and her band of artists who are trying to save the world. Or trying to save cinema from rappers and pop stars.
Just Wright opening May 14th.
I ain't tryin to be on the cover of fuck mags for the top 100 sexiest assholes. But I am tying to buy a Mercedes Benz G500. So if you see me doing a Chicken & Malt Liquor commercial, don't hate.
(short list) thanks Schwim, Rusty, JB, Square, Don, Mel, Anne Marie, Amaryliss, Garvey, Mark Derwan, Scarlett, Tom, team SIP, Tereneh, C-Note, Peppur, LLBC, Milauna, Mashari, Nancy Keystone, Mara Girl Dawg, Tarlow, Linara...
Love to my peeps in the virtual world---Facebook. And Twitter. Twitter is a mothafucker...
Mami, LA, Papi and to all of you who have loaned me money, given me rides, couches to crash on, tubs to soak in, jobs to hustle, prayers to lift....I love you all.
And if I forgot somebody--charge it to my head, and not my heart.
And thank you to Joe Pytka for hiring me in a commercial this week. And to Huntington Bank. Oh yah--a bitch booked 2 COMMERCIALS THIS WEEK.
This wine is working. So is my faith.
I'm gonna make it after all (throwing my hat in the air)
Happy 6 year anniversary freckle face. You've survived.
Buck Nasty out---
NEXT BLOG: WHY KOREAN WOMEN CARRY UMBRELLAS IN THE SUN. THE MYSTERY SOLVED.